ADULTERY

Can God forgive an adulterous Woman? – The answer is yes.

I was so nervous about writing this testimony. I it is one thing to know you were an adulterous woman but it’s another to actually put pen to paper and write it down. But truth of the matter is I was. I have decided to share my story with you to show you how God always allows a way out, and to point out some signs you should avoid at all costs, to prevent taking this road.

For the purposes of my story I have decided to refer to my lover as Mark.

Corinthians 10:13 says

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

Firstly I want to point out in the above scripture, it says all temptation is common to man, so the temptation that you are facing is no special one, it’s common to man, and if some can withstand and walk away, it means you too have the strength to walk away from what you are facing.

I started working on a project with Mark and this gave us many hours and days together. There are 4 things which I can identify that started this desire of wanting more than a working relationship. I can now look back and warn others of these as they are subtle but can produce deadly affects on you, him and both families.

I will add at this point “I chose to ignore all four.”

Physical touch – I can remember the day Mark asked me for my flash disc, I had the option of dropping it into his hand, (which I should have done) but instead I put it down in his hand ensuring my hand touched his, I know we both felt the touch as it was almost electric. Avoid any physical touch as any touch seems to bond you mentally and cause your mind to start paying games with the thought of touch.

Common ground – As we had a lot of time together we started off speaking about work issues and moved onto our families and personal issues we’d been having at home. This causes you to reach a common ground that you both share and allows you to become bonded with each other on a personal level. Avoid all conversations about personal stuff especially any issues you are currently having with your husband.

Alone time – If you can avoid traveling together alone, do. Time alone opens doors for things to be said and done in secret. There are always ways around this. Go in your own car or invite others too, if you're traveling by flight take an earlier flight or later.

Captive thoughts – When the thought about the person enters your mind, try and push it out, your mind is a powerful tool in the lust department and the bible is very clear that adultery is not only an outside action, if your mind goes there, it’s considered a sin just as much as the actual act.

Mark and I had at this point passed all the 4 steps that I spoke about above, I had a loving husband and kids and knew very well the wrong I was getting myself into. Mark was also married and had kids. One day on returning from one of our trips, the car became awkwardly quiet, and Mark asked if it was his imagination or whether he was picking up vibes of us becoming more then just work colleagues. I felt hot and sick all at once, I knew what was coming and become so scared; I began to pray and begged God to please provide a way out. Mark went on saying how he felt more for me. By this time I blanked out and the prayer in my head had overtaken my listening skills.

The rest of the scripture God goes on to say that when you are tempted He will provide a way out. I want to show you how many times God gave me a way out but I chose to ignore them.

When Mark had finally finished, (Here was the first way out; I should have that I did not feel the same, even if it was a lie.) I replied, “I just can’t put my husband through that and I can’t do it.” This put a hold on Marks request but not a stop.  We then got into a small argument, which I now know was just Marks way of coping with the small rejection I was giving him. When he dropped me off, he asked if we could still be friends and have no bad feelings towards each other as we still had to work together, to which I replied “yes of course”.

That night I had a dinner evening planned with friends, I must admit I could hardly concentrate on any conversation around the table, my mind ran the day’s events over and over. While at the table a message came to my phone, It was from Mark, I could hardly breathe, he message explained again how he felt and that he could not leave it alone, he wanted to apologize for bringing it up but something inside just made him say how he felt. I got such a fright as I was reading this message when my husband was right next to me, and we had never had any secrets between us. (Here was my second way out; I should have replied, "Ok, but my comments still stand.") But instead I replied its, "Ok, I know what you mean as I feel the same", and deleted the message off my phone.

That night I could hardly sleep.  What was I doing? Were did I want this to go? I did not want to hurt my husband nor my kids. "God please help me," I prayed.

The next morning I ran circles around Mark trying to avoid him and the conversation that would follow. But he found me and said we needed to talk.  I kept out of his way for the rest of the week and avoided what was to come. But there came a day in his office when he closed the door and he and I were standing close to the door, He leaned over to kiss me, (Here was my third way out; I should have stepped back and told him again "I can't")  but instead l leant towards him and kissed him back.

The next part of the day I really can’t tell you what happened. I was not even sure the kiss had happened. But what I can say is this was the start of me wanting more than just a work relationship.

The guilt of what I was allowing myself to get into was eating at me. I would come home, my husband was his friendly self, and there I was pretending I had done nothing, but inside, this lust for another man was growing.

About a week later Mark and I had to go out to one of our work sites, he pulled the car over, and said, "let’s talk." It’s so hard to fight the good and evil when both are giving advice at the same time. The good reminding me of my family and what was expected from me in Gods eyes, the other telling me I want this man to be more than just my work colleague. It was a strain to not touch and hold him, and not kiss him. We spoke awhile. (Here was my fourth way out; He asked about us and our way forward. I should have put a stop to it but instead I replied, "what can I offer you as I am married and just can’t leave my husband.") Mark replied at this stage that he didn’t want anything big from me. He just wanted to hold, love and kiss me.

There is no such thing as keeping it simple I have now realized as the more you give the more you want. I lived this double life for the next 14 months before I ended up in hospital with a nervous breakdown. The stress of lying, hiding, sharing my time between family and Mark just became too much.  In all honesty at this point Mark and I had realized we wanted more and we decided to tell our partners and request a divorce.

This was one of the most painful and emotional times I had ever been through in my whole life. Do you know how it feels to tell someone who loves you that you want out? The nights of begging to please stay, trying their very best to please you, love you, anything they possibly could to make you change your mind.

In as much as I ended up with the person I had an affair with, this is not always the end result. 9 out of 10 times someone in an affair ends up getting hurt, not ending up with the person they had given up everything for.

The person you have an affair with is not someone you have spent 24 hours a day with. So when all the fun and excitement is over, reality of getting to know this person sets in. You have just given up on everything you had for someone you don’t even know that well. It's a new life, new rules, new understandings, new insecurities and on top of that, you both know what each one is capable of achieving in sneaking around, hiding messages and lying.  Trusting the new person is a new challenge on its own. As soon as someone is spending too much time with them, you very clearly remember that was exactly what started your affair in the first place.

What was hard about writing this testimony is I truly love Mark, and I don’t want you to think I am sorry that I ended up with him, but for the sake of your family and the hurt that lies ahead I have to warn you and remind you that adultery is wrong.  It’s been a long and hard road and many tears have been shed, not just by me, but by the people we hurt along the way. Allowing yourself to have an affair is wrong!  Temptation will always come your way, but the choice is yours to step away. “All temptation is common to Man”, and God will also provide a way out. Look out for the doors God provides and pull closer to God when being tempted. Keep your eyes in your Bible and on God and not man.

The hurt I caused our kids is something I don’t even want to write about, but can clearly remember the day my one child broke down and cried like a baby because of the realization of what he loved and thought could be fixed, could not be. I stood and watched as my ex-husband got to hold my child through the sobbing while I felt like the outsider, my actions took its last toll on an almost adult child.  How selfish I had been.

God loves and can forgive you. I have been fully restored and forgiven,  but still carry the scars of the adulterous woman I was and will always carry the memories of what I put my loved ones through. 

Please don’t take my testimony lightly as I prayed over it as I wrote it, asking God to please open the eyes of every woman who may be considering having an affair or who is already having an affair.

It’s been a couple of years now since my actions and Mark and I are still trying to put all the pieces back together, but God has been so faithful in truly being our strength through these years and all relationships with our kids have been restored. 

This walk came at the cost of others. Please don’t let your mind betray you in believing the grass is greener on the other side and that a fairy tale ending awaits you. Stand up to temptation! Its common to all man and don't let it trap you or snatch your family away from you.

James 4: 7 says “Submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you”