FAMILY DIFFICULTIES

I married a man not from my nationality, culture or religion thinking that he would change and we would be happy, well that didn’t happen and steadily my love for my husband started fading and disappearing, this was soon replaced with resentment towards him and his family because of their expectations, gambling and demands which were made on me constantly.  In spite of this  God blessed me with a son, who truly was the light in my life and gave me a reason to try and keep my marriage together as I did not want my son to grow up without a father.

 

In 2010 my son, my only child,  passed away very suddenly and without any answers.  Police tried to tell us that he had committed suicide, but as his mother I knew in my heart there was no truth to that, there were  many unanswered questions when I looked at the crime scene photos and the circumstances surrounding his death.  This was a devastating blow to me and my husband!!!  Through all this my Lord Jesus was with me, even though I have never felt so alone and crushed in my life.  I lost 3 family members and a very dear and close friend all within a space of 2 ½ months.  I had my husbands entire family leaning on me for strength so was not truly able to mourn my son, yet Jesus carried me.

 

My husband simply gave up the will to live and constantly wanted to commit suicide, the truth being told, I had even contemplated suicide myself.  Throughout this difficult time, my husband would sit and do absolutely nothing and we lost all our money due to his gambling addiction.  I know that if it wasn’t for the prayers and support of my family and friends I would not be here today as they carried me throughout and cared for me all the time.

 

I was very angry with God and couldn’t even read my Bible or pray anymore because I felt that God was not hearing me and my prayers were not being answered.  I was also so angry with my son for leaving me behind to deal with everything on my own.  How blind I was as this was the time when Jesus was carrying me on His shoulders as I was not able to walk in my own strength, it was as if I was a robot just going through the motions of my day to day tasks. 

 

4 years later the bank auctioned our home  without us even knowing, once again God showed His Mercy and Grace and intervened supernaturally by using an associate to be at the auction that morning, he phoned my husband and asked “Is this your house on auction? And what do you want me to do?” my husband told him God was in control and He would take care of everything.  Our home was auctioned at less than quarter of its value, so now we had lost everything our precious son, all our money and our home.  I felt deep resentment towards my husband because due to his own actions and his alone we found ourselves in financial ruin.

 

God helped us to remain in our home by using another associate to buy our house, who has committed to re-sell it to us when we are able to purchase it back again.  How Gracious and Merciful our God has been to us, in spite of all the difficulties, lack of money etc  we have always had food to eat, clothes to wear and a warm clean bed to sleep in.

 

With all that had happened I became extremely ill in my body and lost 17kgs in 4 months, during this time I realized that it was due to me having resentment and bitterness towards my husband and a friend who had hurt me very deeply, that I was so ill.  I really needed to spend time with God and our Lord Jesus to be set free and healed from my emotions.  It has not been an easy road, line upon line and precept upon precept Jesus and His Word has brought me through, I was able to finally mourn my son and forgive him for leaving me and am still on a journey of forgiveness towards my husband.  I know that without Jesus I would never have been able to withstand the difficulties that I endured, it is only with Him and through Him that I am able to share this painful part of my life and to lay my life anew at His Feet because what Jesus suffered at the Cross far surpasses anything that I went through.

 

All the Glory, Honour and Praise to Our Lord Jesus for being my refuge and fortress at all times.